Hard Line

I used to be a tender child. I used to have the soft and squishy feelings that many people still have. My life took many changes as a tween..I learned from my first love how to bob and weave my way through fights, altercations, and plain old jealousy...I learned at a tender age, that you either win or lose. And when you lose, you can't change anything with emotion. It just makes you hurt. And then as a teenager, my parents divorced. I hurt over that for such a long time. But once I was over it, I expected everyone to be over it..I had to pull my mom through the trenches to get her over it, and I honestly think she learned from me how to "Pull herself up by her bootstraps." And we have lived that way from that point on...I call it the bootstrap mentality. I haven't really experienced hurt like I did back in the tween and teen years ever again. Ever. Even my horrible marriage and divorce didn't hurt like those original hurts. Cause I pulled myself up, the bootstraps and all.. The kindergarten shooting has gotten me thinking. Thinking about the poor family that was at the center of the horror. It's clear from most reports that the boy was troubled. And as much as I don't want to say this, I have to wonder how much the family knew of his break with reality. I mean really, someone has to know when their child has so much "crazy" in them that they are willing to do such unthinkable things. I am willing to bet that we will find out that the boy was mentally ill, but not taking his medication. I wouldn't ever blame the family, but I have heard the mother was "rigid" and I have to wonder what that means? I know people like that. Rigid. They think that their own image is more important that actually getting their family help. It would unthinkable to the rigid sort to put their child in therapy, as it would reflect poorly on their ability to parent. They think they can "will" their child to behave and present themselves to the world in an acceptable way. But just like me, I am sure you can think of a family who is in the midst of dealing with a "troubled" child or two. And just like me, you wonder and almost know that there is a lifetime of problems ahead. As a teacher I can see them every day. I can see the families who will do everything in their power to pretent that their life is just honky dorry..But we all know. And I am sure that many people knew about the family in Connecticut. They knew and probably spoke about how the boy was "off".. Yet, distance and rigidity didn't seem to help the matter. Again, I won't blame the family. But if they couldn't focus in on their own child, then who could? I mean, should the child's teacher's be at fault for not identifying the problems and solving them? Should it be the Church? NO. The family. It all starts at the family. As you know I have been sick. I stayed home from school for 2 days and felt terribly guilty about it. On Wednesday when I came back, I found out the 12 students were absent, and then each day I had an average of 7 children absent. BUT, each day I had to send at least 2 children home. They were sick little puppies, but their parents sent them anyway. And what does that mean? I have to take instructional time to get them to the clinic and arrange to get them home. When all along the parents knew their babies were sick. Yes, the parents need to go to work, yes, they are very poor, but sending your sick child to school because YOU need to work, only makes all the other children sick. And it makes me sick too! These are the issues that I see everyday. Parents NOT being accountable. This year, I adore my students. A D O R E... They are loving and kind and smart and silly and so many of them are physically affectionate. One little girl actually tickles my shoes when I am doing the read a loud. She was one of the little ones who was sick and I had to send home. As she was waiting to be picked up, I looked at her and she was Hugging my purse. Hugging it like it was a baby. I asked her what she was doing and she quickly threw it down. I saw that she was embarrassed or ashamed and I told her, "Oh honey, it's ok. Do you want Ms. Green to give a squeeze?" She jumped up and came to me and jumped on my lap. Her hot little head was burning with a fever and I just squeezed her. This loud wiggly little girl wasn't so sparkly as she was very sick, so I just held her. When it was time for her to go, I told her it was ok to stay home. I hugged her and she gave me a sweet little kiss on my face. As strong as I am, this made me want to cry. Cry that she felt close enough to me to show that kind of affection, and also that she might not get those cuddles at home because her mom is irritated that she is missing work to take care of her.. I have been teaching for 22 years. I have seen so much in those years. One thing I know for sure, is that stress over work, and money, and bills create situations for children that are worrisome. After years of that kind of worry, it changes children. Maybe the Connecticut shooter saw those kind of problems in his home. Not money problems, but everyday problems. When children see their parents vulnerable is robs them of their sense of security and causes a shift. It changes a child. And not in a good way. We don't know yet, but in the coming months we will find out all the dirty little secrets of this person. But I already know that the family knew... One parent was at school eating with her child, and she went to get a water for herself. When asked to pay for the water, the mother said, "Oh my child is on free lunch." She was told, yes but bottled water is not a part of the lunch. The milk is the drink for the children. THe mother said, "Oh my child doesn't like milk." Then the cafeteria lady said, well we do not give water when the child has milk. The mother walked out. She walked back in and handed the milk back to the cafeteria lady. The lady said again, "We don't give bottled water to children. They must pay for it." The mother then said, "Can I get a cup of ice?" She was told that is only for adults who are paying for their lunch. The mother was trying her best to get something she was told she couldn't have. She kept pressing. I watched them leave and get into a mini van that was easily less than a couple of years old..How can they get free lunch when they can afford a new van? Again, it's what I see every day. Parents abusing the system.. I have learned after 22 years that when parents are willing to lie and abuse the system in one area, they are lying and abusing the system in a million ways..There is certain kind of person who uses their children as a "front" for getting benefits they don't deserve. They are usually without a concience and usually oblivious to the fact that what they are taking, is actually taking from those who really need it.. My hard line is not from being mean or arrogant. It's from years of seeing the problems of families, and from years of seeing the refusal of those families to do the right thing.. But hey, what do I know?