Wait..Weight..

While in Florida this summer I started walking everywhere. Anna and I also rode our bikes a few times. I gotta say the bike riding part really sucked. It hurt my behind so much that I rode home from each of our rides peddling while standing..But the walking was nice. I got to sweat out my toxins, and felt less inclined to kill chocolate bars all afternoon. And then I noticed that I had lost about 15 pounds by the time I came home. And then, I had to walk the dog every day and I lost more weight..And I went to the doctor to re-up my meds, and I found out that I have lost another few pounds. To be more precise, I have lost nearly 60 pounds in the three years since my hysterectomy. Most all of it since July..And hey, I am not complaining, but I continue to lose weight. I am now wearing a size 1o pants and even my fingers and feet have shrunk..I would be worried, but I feel just fine. The only thing that is different is the extreme stress that we are under at school. I am so anxious at night that I am taking both melatonin and tylenol pm to sleep. If not, I would stare at my ceiling thinking about all of the things I am not finished with at school.. We are leaving for Manhattan tomorrow night. It's the 10th anniversary of me going..I used to go with my "idiot X-husband". We would drive up after he got off of work in the evening, sleep in the car and then spend the day in the city, then come home later in the day. It feels really good to actually stay a few days and obviously to stay in a hotel.I am not up for the car camping thing anymore! This year I am driving. Yes, me. But since we leave tomorrow, I have plenty of time to get there without feeling rushed! We did the color run at Church last weekend. The girlz had a blast and I enjoyed spraying them with loads of colorful powder!! >

Carrie Bradshaw said it best when she jumped into a painful situation knowing the outcome would be hurtful, "I'm an emotional cutter." And I agree..Because I am one too.. I did the thing I do every so often knowing it will hurt. I emailed the new Director of the school in Moscow that I have been stalking for 8 years. I shared that I was highly skilled and ready for a change, and wanted nothing more than to teach for the school.. And he was so kind. I got a "No", but with a follow up to explain what I already know, they simply cannot afford to give my chidlren free tuition when I am only a singleton. He shared a few personal compliments about understanding my desire to be in Russia and ended our correspondence with a Best of Luck. But you see, I don't need luck. I need a teacher to become my husband and want to teach in Russia. I need a man who will marry me, or agree to be my life partner while in Russia so that I can get there..But honestly, I can't imagine being with a man anymore. I haven't dated since I divorced and I am so okay with that..Who really wants to shave their legs that often? And don't get me started on the bikini waxes.. Even though I knew how it would end, it still hurts. I have never been rejected for something based on my family dynamic so it's odd to hear it. Again, "I'm an emotional cutter."

Thumbs Up!

We were at the dentist repairing a cavity, and pulling a tooth so that Anna's mouth can be prepped for braces. The dentist asked if she sucked her thunb. I tol her, "OF course not, she sucks her fingers." Then she announced that she could put an appliance in her mouth that would keep her from sucking her fingers. She might as well said, I will torture your child and make her eat bugs for years! I will not, ever, make my child stop sucking her fingers. It relaxes her. It was her coping mechanism at the baby home, and I could never jump in and try to take away the one thing she can control about her own relaxation techniques.. It's the same with AugustRose, she sucks her thumb, but I won't make her stop either. Both girls have eased up how much they suck their fingers. It has happened naturally. When Anna was getting her tooth pulled and the doctor was speaking about the appliance for stopping her sucking her fingers, Anna lifted her thumb up and gave me the FONZ, "Aaaaayyyyyy!"

Hoobastank The Reason

Today is election day, but I am quite sure there is one family out there who couldn't care less about who wins and loses this presidential race.. My dear blogger friend "Nellie" lost her son in October and as expected, she is a wreck about it. As you could also expect, no mother wants to lose her child, and considering this dear troubled boy committed suicide, it probably feels even worse. I have heard this song twice this week, and almost HEAR Elya singing it to his mother. Because she is the reason for his love of Christ, his desire to be better, and his willingness to be the boy she adopted..I close my eyes and see that last strong hug and hold onto it in my mind. And know that Elya is starting over. Elya is starting over new..In Heaven

Coldplay - Fix You

Sometimes all we want to do is simply "fix it"...and yet in our hearts we know we can't.. But we try. I love you Nellie..