Dont Invite Me or Ask Me To

Donate to your fundraising efforts. If I don't know you, I am not one to just stroke a check. As one mom said, "IF I WANTED SOMETHING FROM 31 I would go buy it cheaper at Ross!!!" I so agree!
Don't get me wrong about charity. I believe in it. And I faithfully give to my Church every month. On many occasions, I may see a cause that I am interested in and I give. I give because my heart is drawn into giving. Adding me to your Facebook list of families who adopted in order to draw on sympathy doesn't work. I am not a sympathetic person in that way.


Adoption is so expensive. But raising a child is just as expensive. Most people I know ended up taking a loan on their house to pay for the adoption. Most people just added a couple of hundred dollars to their mortgage to pay for the upfront costs of adoption. So if you can't do that, and you don't have it in the bank, maybe you should consider adopting a child in the U.S.
I sort of got slammed on a FB page because I said its "Poor Form" to ask for money from other adoptive parents when you don't even know them..I got the "ADOPTION is rescuing a child" response..God's calling and all..BUT NO, adoption was never a calling for me. I didn't do it to be some sort of savior. I don't use adoption as some sort of platform to build points with Jesus..I adopted for ME, to become a mother. I adopted because I wanted to PARENT! I only stay in the adoption world, because I ended up falling in love with Russia. I didn't intend to love Russia. I didn't intend to be connected to it. But I am because of my fond memories and my girlz.

If Orphan Outreach is your platform then great. But the answer is NOT to adopt all the children. The answer is finding a way to educate the people of "Insert country here" to care for their special needs children without turning them into the state like defective products. And when families bring children into our country and ask for endless benefits it kills me..{Gosh I sound cold and harsh} But I can't help it. While doing my own home-study, I had to make provisions for both girlz. Provisions that were in place in case they needed additional medical care. I was told that I couldn't depend on the state and needed a plan in place to make sure I could handle it financially.

If you are wondering why the additional bitterness, I ran into an adoptive mom the other day. She shared a story of a different mom who is getting money for her child to have In-Home therapy for her attachment issues. This family also gets additional money to pay for respite care once a month. The child has been home for 8 years. In my mind, those therapies may have been picked up by the state for a while, but for 8 years?? And respite care after 8 years??
I have just never been one to depend on the state for anything. NADA. It irritates me that  my tax dollars pay for this family to relax and go out of town without their child, enjoying their weekends once a month.

I know I sound a lot like Anne Colture, but I can't help it. I don't want to support your family..Where is my hand-out???
The Facebook thread that started this rant was deleted. But I got tons of private messages about my stance. All supporting the position I took.
Again, adoption is not a calling for me. It isn't something that came up while at Church. It was something that I learned about while watching a single friend at Church go through her adoption. This came at a time when I had been giving myself daily shots, taking countless meds, going to the Fertility specialist everyday during my cycle...What she was doing seemed so much more logical. My attempts were not working. I hated fertility treatments. I hated focusing on me and my body that much. I hated my husband as well. I was trying to be forgiving of his indescretions during most of the treatments. Finding out that a woman could adopt alone freed my heart. It gave me a chance to admit that I couldn't forgive him at that time of my life.

Soooooo,  my point in all of this is that although I firmly agree that families should reach out to ask for prayer, wise counsel, and donations for the ORPHANAGE, I don't agree that the majority of adoption funding should come from strangers!

So, if I sound like crazy Ann C, I am sorry. I love my adoption friends and would do anything for them. I just don't like the pressure of being put on the spot...

I Don't Have To Judge

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Saw on a blog that we shouldn't judge. The blogger was right. God will judge for us.  Hey Blogger who is on my blog enough to know my story, I will share this. Adultery hurts. Lying hurts. Everyone.

And until you do right by the people you have hurt, Everything you do will fail!

Not This Time...

We have the dates for summer camp!

And we are in high gear raising money for Anni to attend. I am hoping to go as a chaperone, but Anni has shared that she wants to go even if I don't!
AND, yesterday at Church the 4th graders moved into a new group..This group is for 4-6th grades. It is down the hall from where Auggie goes. They have a live band, worship, snacks, games, and of course a biblical message. All hidden within the fun!
Anni stayed with Aunti Saturday night. They went Rock Climbing. She loves her Aunti so! I am not nearly as sporty as Aunti. August said she would try it, but we know that's just not true so Auggie stayed with me. Both girlz love a chance to be alone with their momma! I taught Sunday School at Church Saturday night and Auggie was in my class. For some reason, they think that is super special..
On Sunday we picked up Anni and then went back to Church.
It was a big event for the youth yesterday. When I dropped Anni off, she quickly went to join her precious friend Tatum, I called, "Annichka, De Vai"{The one Russian phrase I say constantly}  she came back and I whispered to her, "do you want a kiss?" She shook her head and said,
"Not this time."  My baby is growing up..


Side note, I had an evening event at school last week, and when I got home, she was on her phone. I had to yell upstairs to her, "Annichka, HANG UP THE PHONE!!!"  My heart smiled a bit at this..My baby is  growing up.

Today is our first day of spring break. We finished cleaning out Auggie's room, and today we enter the danger zone of Annichka's room. Lord knows what we might find. It is snowing outside and actually lovely! But we are cozied up in our jammies..
The design team is coming today to measure for our kitchen..Cross your fingers, we want to do it on the cheap.

Have a Great Snowy Day Everyone!!!!

Finances

After watching a couple of coworkers struggle to find homes that they both can afford and like in a school district, where my sister teachers BTW, I have been thinking about my own finances. Feeling so trapped by my job leads me to question whether or not I can truly leave my job, EVER.
Although I don't make 6 figures, I am in the higher range of average. Remember, I have been teaching with my district for 19 years.
I can afford my bills each month, but I can't seem to save. I will get a little put away, then something comes up and it's all gone...
Now I have put some away for 2 things.
A kitchen, and Disney.
We have saved for Disney for one year. I am so proud of myself for putting away enough for the tickets and resort, so now I am holding out for the "free dining" that it usually offered in the spring. And as for the kitchen, I have been slowly doing little projects to get the kitchen ready. I had wall and shelving taken down and am in the process of taking down the rest of the cabinets..
We waste so much money on eating out, because quite honestly I HATE going into the kitchen. Everything is old, there are holes in the drywall behind the appliances, and I know we have little mice coming in during the spring..So I would rather have food from somewhere else then here..

Long term I am not too worried. My salary will slowly rise. And therefore I will be locked further in my job. Right now, I am coming to grips with that. I am 43 and have to have 30 years in my county or be 55 to have full retirement. So 11 years. Next year I may consider taking a year off to finally finish my masters. If I do that, I will only do it if I can get a student loan. I would really like to take a half year off. I doubt that is possible. But I would be able to save some and use the load to pay for school..Oh well, that is something I can research later.

On my home, I owe only half of what it is worth. I got a foreclosure. The money from my first house paid for my down payment. I was very wise when I bought my first home. VERY. I bought in an area that had a prison. What I knew was that the prison was closing. Now there is an entire neighborhood, school, high school, art center, and shopping area where that prison was. It was the single best move I could have made. Let me throw out there, that I don't owe ANY money on my adoptions. Both adoptions were financed through a line of credit on that first home. And selling it got me debt free, gave me a down payment on my new house, and set me up for the house I am in now..
I spent several weeks looking at homes on Capitol Hill. Even though I would save many hours on my commute, I just never found anything that wouldn't make me house poor. So that idea, like many of my other ideas, is shelved for now.
When my grandmother passed away, my mother created two college funds for my girls. Those two accounts will be more than enough for the girls when they get to college. Our hope is that there will be enough left over to offer them a nice start once they graduate. My grandmother never wanted the money to be used on my girls. Sadly, she was a little selfish. And that hurt my mother. So my mom's way of getting back at her is to spend her money on my darlings!!

I had a friend who retired with 30 years of teaching. She was 55. She earns 90% of her last year of teaching salary. This sounds too good to NOT pursue. She does have to pay her own health insurance. I have my own retirement account set up solely to pay for my health insurance when I retire. I know that 11 years sounds like a short time, but in 11 years Anna will be a junior in college. Auggie will be a senior in high school. I'd rather be with them now, and go back to work when they are in college.
And about college. Both of my girlz think about college. Both at their young age, have chosen colleges. Anna wants to go to University of Florida. She is a Gator Girl already. Auggie wants to go to NYU. And take me with her.
I know these are just childhood dreams but one day I will get to go back and remind them of what they wanted when they were just little ones. I have picked out where I want them to go. James Madison University. It is a smallish state school about 3 hours away from here.

I know that I will need a new car in the next few years. I got my SUV 8 years ago. And I just can't bear to make a car payment. I already spend over 300.00 month on gas, so I don't want to spend anymore on transportation...But I know that I will..

My worry, is the feeling of being locked in..And Lord knows I don't like feeling that way!

DrPhil and Mercy

Sometimes I feel called to answer question why someone would adopt a child. After watching these two videos I had to write..Both are powerful. Both need to be watched.

 

 

 

 

Last night I watched “Mercy, Mercy” and adoption documentary.  I didn’t expect the story to end, or even begin the way it did. And today, after watching Dr. Phil share the story of “Veronica Rose” I feel compelled to once again say that I purposefully adopted in Russia. It was the most stable program at that time. Because Russia is in the news, many people ask if I am concerned and ask if the law being changed was a concern when I adopted. The simple answer is no. This law change has happened over a period of ten years. The dissatisfaction and shame that the Russian people feel has grown over the years. The politically driven propaganda encouraged by Putin is the leading cause of governmental changes. The social changes were driven by shame as well as anger as the media reports on the deaths of adopted children began to lead news stories throughout Russia. But our adoption is such old news. We are 6 years beyond adoption. My girlz have been with me far longer than they spent in Russia. And that included in utero! So my concerns are not for myself, but for the families who were in process, and for the families who won’t ever share the joy of bringing a baby home from Russia.

Because I have adopted, you’d think I’d have a complete understanding of adoption, but honestly I only know about infant adoption. Both of my girlz were adopted as infants. Anna was 13 months. Not walking, not speaking, but sitting up and eating some solid food. August at 16 months was walking, talking, and feeding herself. Both were still napping in the day. Both were in diapers and needed me to provide their every need. There was no other person in the world that cared for them for their early time of life. So when I came along and met their every need, there was no question at the ease of bonding. There was no struggle there. It was instant, and it was strong.

The similarity of Russian adoptions and this situation is that the law to offer the child to a Russian family has always been in place in Russia. The law was properly followed in Russia.{Sadly, Veronica’s birth mother may have skirted the rules a bit, and no amount of money could be thrown at the Tribe to keep that child under the radar}Both of my girlz were available to Russian families prior to me meeting them. Although I cannot verify if Russian families met with either of my girlz, there was an established waiting period for Russians to meet them. This was a court established time period where no non-Russian could meet with the girlz. I met my girlz within days of those waiting periods expiring. But, any time prior to me finalizing my adoption, a Russian family could come in and choose to adopt my girlz. My adoptions happened in what I like to call the “Hay-Day” of Russian adoptions. It was the height of when Americans were traveling to all parts of Russia to adopt.

I can now say that during my first adoption, it almost NEVER happened that a Russian family would come in to adopt a child after an American family had traveled to meet that child. The money involved would only flow if the adoption was finalized with the American family. And it seems that everyone had their hand out for a portion of the money paid. I don’t doubt or concern myself that the money was spread evenly among those who worked the hardest for the money. I know it wasn’t.  But I know now that the money kept my girlz under the radar in those days. The money kept the orphanage director “slow” to provide photos of my eldest. The money kept the Ministry of Education away from my girlz’ files and steered any Russian family towards a child that hadn’t been selected for international adoption.  And I don’t feel any guilt for that. Why? Because the mandatory waiting time of 6-9 months, {depending on the region} didn’t apply to Russians.  So a child who was days old and living at the Baby home could be selected by a Russian family. There would be no need to review a child who was nearly a year old. And for a Russian family, there was no motivation to adopt.  As I adopted August, the Russian government began to encourage a type of foster care that would pay families. THIS is when the process became sticky. Families began losing their referred child even after they had made trips to Russia and signed documentation stating they wanted to adopt that child.  The government was much stricter. And the people of Russian began to use their will to demand they have preference over American families. Even if they only chose to foster... And sadly the percentage of Russians who chose to foster and then return the child began to rise. And children were placed BACK into the baby homes. The same children who had American families planning to adopt them had moved on and being 1-2 years older, their chances for adoption slowly decreased.

But again, I was a lucky one. I had 2 very powerful Russian men on my side. And as much as I loathe them now, I appreciated their protection then. It is important for you to know that my adoption was completely legal. And what I know about my case was learned after my adoptions were finalized. I always knew a little of the sketchiness, but I could prove it, if not to the world, but to any fellow adopter, after my agency no longer had the protection of the 2 powerful Aleks. 

None of these matters anymore as Russia has closed adoptions to Americans. What matters to me and what prompted me to put this out there is to share why I didn’t chose to adopt through a seragote or through foster care. And why I didn’t choose an older child adoption.  Some families like to imply that those who adopt infants choose the easy route and are doing it to satisfy ourselves. We aren’t rescuing a child as those who adopt older children are doing.  I agree. Happily.

 

 

 

Le Dog Does Not Love Le Snow..

And therefore she hid under the covers each time I tried to take her out...

 There was a nice bit of snow falling, it just didn't stick to the roads and such..

We went shopping and Ikea was closed, so we went to the mall and were the for just a bit and they closed it too..Seemed a little dramatic if you ask me..

 

Snow Day!

Well it's about time...There isn't much snow, but the roads are slushy, and the sidewalks are a mess. I will take this day to get Perriwinkle her final shot, go once again to Ikea to check out their shiny cabinet doors, and do more laundry.

I really need days like today!

For those of you who just found the blog, Glad you are here!

FINALLY!

My dear dad got my safe open..
And ahh the memories.. The most important documents were held in there..
The girlz adoption finalization paperwork. Passports. And hundreds of photo CD's that I have just in case. And now, I can re-apply for their Russian Passports and their American Passports. I won't say that we need their Russian passports right now, but while I have the money, I need to do it. PLUS, both girlz have been home long enough that they are expired and they need to be redone!

We are going to COH's Easter Party and I just keep this radical dream in my mind.. "What if they decided we can't leave the Embassy?" I know, I know, it is a ridiculous thought, but really? What if?
In this crazy head of mine, I have already decided that I could easily hoist AugustRose over the gates, but Anna would have to scale the wall on her own...I know, ridiculous thought, but as I have just watched ARGO, it feels like a great screen play..
No one in the world would believe that the idiot Pavel Astakhov is actually calling for the return of orphans adopted into the US so hey, it could be plausible...In any event, the GreenGirlz are devising a little plan. OK, not them, just their silly momma!