The Old and the Young

It's Report Card time, so needless to say, I am a wreck of worry and confusion as I try to formulate little words and letters into a formal document fit for FCPS...It is the saddest thing I have ever seen. Standards based reporting for children who need an entire year to learn the language, let alone to count to 100 by one and backwards from 50...Just sad.

This is my best class in a very long time and I want to tell their parents, "HEY, they are reading and writing, they are memorizing poems, and figure out complex GT based word problems, they are well behaved and motivated to be GOOD, and  kind..

Ahhh, but not the case for the report cards we now have.. It is important to check the appropriate box and only give one of the approved comments. Which by the way are organized about as well as my craft closet.. So the past few days I have been very blue. Blue at the state of affairs in the schools lately. I am not alone. Not by a long shot. Young teachers tootle along and think this is the way to do it.. Search and assess, means missing the essence of who a child is. And what is more important than what they can do, is, Who They Are.. And we are fighting a battle between young and old. Young feeling as if those of us who have been around a while just never found the "right" way to teach.. Young feeling congratulatory to each other when they fill out the latest grid/matrix which tells them nothing but what that child could regurgitate that day.. The old hoping desperately that no one notices that said grid/matrix wasn't completed; because that day we had to complete a retelling bear that their favorite other teacher friend did.. And it was way more fun..

I woke up this morning thinking about young and old. Laughing that I am in the old group. Laughing that although I have been in the class for 22 years, I have people doubting me simply because I refuse to buy the company line. Reason being, I bought the company line in 1992 when we implemented the "15-To-1" program.  In 1996 I bought into the idea of pull out programs. In 1999 I bought into Core Knowledge. In 2000 I bought into Words their Way. In 2004 I bought into Lucy Caulkins.
But slowly and mysteriously through the myriad of programs thrown our way, whether it be working with a small group or large, I found out what works. I found out that I have the gift of sharing information. I found out that through sharing personal stories and my favorite books, that I can hold the attention of young children. I can review information in a way that small ones find interesting. I can secretly inflict my own personal "manners" beliefs on my small ones and they gladly buy into it. Over time, I feel like I know the children. And over time, through decades of relied upon evaluations, I can know what they know without needing an 8 page checklist. I can reteach and reach deeper for those who need it. One who has worked with 5 year olds for 22 years, KNOWS. 

But the young ones are the ones towing the line. They won't stand with us to say, "This is nonsense."
And this is where I am. Working with line towers. Me feeling like Norma Rae. Needing to stand up on the line and shout out, "We aren't going to take it anymore..."
But I won't. I can't.    The one thing about myself that I can't believe is that becoming a mother has made me very practical. Very.
I have given up the dream to live overseas. I have given up the idea of starting a business/charity. I have given up the idea of things..As much as it seems as though I have given up a lot. It's not the case. I get wayyy more than I give up. My girlz may be a pain in the ass sometimes, but they are the reason for my practicality, and I am ok with it.

Tonight is an event at my school. GAME NIGHT  With all of our self inflicted search for rigor, we have chosen to have Game Night. We invite the parents to come to our school and play games. Yeah, just what I said. There has to be a better way to use our precious time with parents in the building.
BUT, at the last minute, Anna reminded me that tonight is her chorus concert. I have missed most all of their events at school. Mom goes, but this time Anni asked/begged me to go.  The mistake I made is not telling my principal about it. Report cards have had me in a tizzy, so honestly, I kept thinking of emailing her, but then something would come up. So I sent it this morning.
And although I like to consider myself a rebel, I do worry that I will upset someone or they will be angry with me.

As the sun starts to rise and the birds begin their songs, it bothers me that I wake up with a nervous stomach. I should not dread my school day.