Welcome Heart

It's been a few months, and I have really missed writing. I have truly  felt like my life has been on hold waiting for a PlanBee to come along. And it never did. To top it off, I have been sort of stuck in the middle of a situation that has kept my heart on hold. Hold that thought though, I'll explain it later...

 

to my new blog!

But today, the Saturday after my last day with students, I feel like I have really found my path again. And oddly the path is right outside my door. Teaching in Russia is out. And even if I were to get a job there, it wouldn't make sense to go. My mom had a mild stroke a few months ago, and with the ability to get her to a hospital and have quick care, she is just fine. Not sure I would have gotten that in Russia. And then there's my dad. He comes up from Florida about every other weekend. Yep, you heard that right. What I find so funny is before I had children he came up about 3 times a year..Now I am not saying he doesn't love my sister and I, I am just saying that my daughters have made him waayyyy more eager to get here! Just sayin!

I can't forget about Auntie..She is really trying to get back to her path too. After going through her breakup with her girlfriend of 3 years, she has thrown herself into work and family. And it has really helped her to recover. She has been taking the girlz for overnight stays a whole bunch. I can't believe I am saying this, but I really need time away from the girlz. Yes. I said it. Single moms need a break sometimes..And sending them to boot camp isn't an option yet. Believe me, I checked into it..

I haven't felt like myself for about 2 years because of a situation that I have been in the middle of. My dearest friend and her husband have been going through a bitter divorce and somehow I found myself square in the middle of it. I used to admire this couple as "having it all." A beautiful blended family of bio and adopted, a lovely home, hard work and Lot's of fun family activity. Then it all fell apart. I found myself supporting my friend even though it was her that wanted the divorce. I won't go into all the details, let's just say it was awful. I think I fell into the role of "the single friend with the door always open." My advice was sound and in line with the beliefs of the Church, but it was never followed. And the fall out was brutal. My dear friend lost her children in the custody fight. She lost the house as she was the one who left. Everything in that lovely home was gone. She was left to start over and recreate a life for her children. And like so many children of divorce, they had figured out the basics of the divorce and wanted nothing but to stay in the home with their dad, in the life they had always known. Instead of enjoying time in two places, the children are anxious and worrisome while with my dear friend. Throw in the boyfriend at my dear friends home, and it is a nest of confusion and worry.
It is so hard when you see someone throwing their life away. Because there is always fall out.
So recently I removed myself from the mess. It was the hardest thing I have had to do in a while. But I already feel a weight lifted. For two years I felt like an unqualified counselor who was supposed to help this person make the right decisions. Yet she didn't. So I can't do it anymore.
So that is the "heaviness" that I have been dealing with.

But there is so much goodness. I tried to get a job teaching with the DoD. I didn't get my head or hopes too far into it. They are downsizing so many bases, and truly I never wanted to teach in Germany or Japan. It was always Russia. But after the past two years, I actually wrapped my head around the fact that my dreams have to come secondary to what my daughters need and want..Russia wouldn't allow for ballet, tap, neighborhood play, chasing fireflies, end of the year pizza parties on a blanket with the kids from our block, good health care at the drop of a hat,  family at my door everyday, and the ease of life in America.

This year was a tough teaching year. And after Monday, I will share a bit about what is planned for what is coming up, but mummmmms the word as of now.

Beach-House Summer is almost here. Three teacher days and I am finished. Then I head to Florida for the most amazing time of our year. At heart, I am still a Florida girl. A girl who would drive to the beach and sit and stare when I needed a quiet place to pray. I am blessed to have that as an adult too.
The girlz really need that family time too. Most of the time Dad is with us, but we do get our private girlie time to be 3..and swim together, and stare at the horizon and watch the dolphins swim by. And float on rafts and just be quiet together. And play "balance on the noodle" in the pool. And sit on the Lanai with our computers and watch videos. And see family at our reunion. And laugh and play with cousins at Kelly and Kim's. And watch fireworks at the Naples Pier. And take so many pictures that Facebook want to kick me off..And go to Aunt Lee's and laugh like crazy with BabySnooks.And be country girlz for a while...And time for me to rededicate my life to Christ and being a better person..

(This reminds me of my 2 Little Russian Girlz)

So I promise to post more about the topics I mention before. But I want to start with this lil tidbit. I know it will offend some of you. But in a world where most families can barely afford to feed and clothe their children, does it make sense to have more than 3 or 4 kids. Is it the smartest thing to ask for money to adopt? Hmmm..Makes me wonder. And I wonder as a single mom who doesn't have the benefit of help from government. I work hard as hell and can't be a stay at home mom..Just some things to think about before I post in the future...Betcha want to hear something juicy huh?