If you could see the chaos in my house, my general life anxiety, the pain of what I think is the dreaded return of H-Pylori, you'd say, "Maybe your life is a mess, and it's not the midlife crisis."
But I forgot to remind you that I am in graduate school. And the courses move quickly. I forgot to share that what I thought was a grant approved program, is not. Meaning, the program does not qualify for the 20K I just accepted. Because I work in a Title 1school, I was supposed to be able to teach for 5 years and the dreaded 20K would disappear. Well over the weekend I received notice that I do not meet the requirement for the grant. You see, I don't teach science or math, I am not a reading specialist..WTF? You morons deciding on the grant, I TEACH ALL OF THOSE THINGS!!! So now, after working my tail off, I have to figure out this equation.
Help me won't you?
I will get a raise of around 2300. for earning my masters. (I already receive the +15 stipend).
The masters will cost OVER 26K.and that doesn't include my time commitment. It doesn't include the amount of anxiety I have over learning the SAME SHIT, I have known for 23 years!!! (Excuse my language, I am horrified today..)
I can retire in 9 years. 9 X 2300.oo = 20, 700.00
Is it worth it? Does the amount of work I am pouring into this program equal the pay raise? Now, lets' not forget that NOW THAT MY SCHOOL HAS DEEMED me ineligible for the TEACHgrant, I have to pay back the entire amount with interest. HELL NO!!!
So this winds me back to my original position.
Is this my breaking point? Or is this a plain and simply ole fashioned mid life crisis?
Do I walk on my graduate program? (A program that, BTW I was not truly interested in) We all know I want to actually learn something new. I want to study overseas, I want to learn Russian History...
Honestly, I don't want a red corvette, I don't want a young a fabulous boy toy..Ya know what I want? I want the world to make sense. I want to learn NEW information when I am paying 2500. per course, I want Kanye to fall off a bridge, I want Putin to be caught in a glorious homosexual fiasco, I want Ted Cruz and his crazy ass father, Rafael Cruz to stop acting like they represent ANYONE in this country..And they can join Kanye on the edge of that bridge, I'll push 'em..
AAAAhhh, let the world make sense. Let me be in the moment again. Let me be that girl who wasn't afraid to take the biggest leap of faith and adopt..Twice,... Lord, I beg you to help me find my way. Cause friends, this weekend's Krap Sandwhich has really thrown a hitch in my giddy-up!
BUT LOOK, I finally have a school picture without a double chin...
That's something!!
*If anyone points out that one eye is bigger than the other one, I will ask Kanye to go get you, and then I will push you all off the bridge!
2 comments:
Is there any recourse? Didn't someone tell you that you were eligible prior to your signing up? Can't you somehow make that promise work for you to be partially reimbursed, or something? Is there another grant program you would be eligible for? Could you add something (i.e. on the order of one period of remedial reading) that would boost you to eligibility? If not I'd drop that program like a hot potato.
I know what you mean about learning the "same old thing" over again. I think education is being dumbed down at such a rate that I actually had MORE advanced work when I was an undergrad than is available now. I cannot BELIEVE some of the work I see fellow students handing in. Work I wouldn't accept from middle school students...for example a paper TAPED together (not stapled), or a paper with copious use of white-out. WHITE OUT? In the age of computers? What the heck?
Get out. Until you can get into a program that you want to take that is paid for. Your time with your girls is worth more.
I agree that you should look into what you can do to qualify for the grant. Otherwise, run. I would not think that the master's is worth the $20+ thousand (time spent in classes, studying and homework, a full time job and being a full time single mother).
The reason that kids hand in such crap is because it is allowed. I can only judge what was expected of my daughter but she went to a very academic prep school and their standards/expectations (high school) were rigorous.
The grad program will take so much of your time so it should be worth it and something you are very interested in.
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