DrPhil and Mercy

Sometimes I feel called to answer question why someone would adopt a child. After watching these two videos I had to write..Both are powerful. Both need to be watched.

 

 

 

 

Last night I watched “Mercy, Mercy” and adoption documentary.  I didn’t expect the story to end, or even begin the way it did. And today, after watching Dr. Phil share the story of “Veronica Rose” I feel compelled to once again say that I purposefully adopted in Russia. It was the most stable program at that time. Because Russia is in the news, many people ask if I am concerned and ask if the law being changed was a concern when I adopted. The simple answer is no. This law change has happened over a period of ten years. The dissatisfaction and shame that the Russian people feel has grown over the years. The politically driven propaganda encouraged by Putin is the leading cause of governmental changes. The social changes were driven by shame as well as anger as the media reports on the deaths of adopted children began to lead news stories throughout Russia. But our adoption is such old news. We are 6 years beyond adoption. My girlz have been with me far longer than they spent in Russia. And that included in utero! So my concerns are not for myself, but for the families who were in process, and for the families who won’t ever share the joy of bringing a baby home from Russia.

Because I have adopted, you’d think I’d have a complete understanding of adoption, but honestly I only know about infant adoption. Both of my girlz were adopted as infants. Anna was 13 months. Not walking, not speaking, but sitting up and eating some solid food. August at 16 months was walking, talking, and feeding herself. Both were still napping in the day. Both were in diapers and needed me to provide their every need. There was no other person in the world that cared for them for their early time of life. So when I came along and met their every need, there was no question at the ease of bonding. There was no struggle there. It was instant, and it was strong.

The similarity of Russian adoptions and this situation is that the law to offer the child to a Russian family has always been in place in Russia. The law was properly followed in Russia.{Sadly, Veronica’s birth mother may have skirted the rules a bit, and no amount of money could be thrown at the Tribe to keep that child under the radar}Both of my girlz were available to Russian families prior to me meeting them. Although I cannot verify if Russian families met with either of my girlz, there was an established waiting period for Russians to meet them. This was a court established time period where no non-Russian could meet with the girlz. I met my girlz within days of those waiting periods expiring. But, any time prior to me finalizing my adoption, a Russian family could come in and choose to adopt my girlz. My adoptions happened in what I like to call the “Hay-Day” of Russian adoptions. It was the height of when Americans were traveling to all parts of Russia to adopt.

I can now say that during my first adoption, it almost NEVER happened that a Russian family would come in to adopt a child after an American family had traveled to meet that child. The money involved would only flow if the adoption was finalized with the American family. And it seems that everyone had their hand out for a portion of the money paid. I don’t doubt or concern myself that the money was spread evenly among those who worked the hardest for the money. I know it wasn’t.  But I know now that the money kept my girlz under the radar in those days. The money kept the orphanage director “slow” to provide photos of my eldest. The money kept the Ministry of Education away from my girlz’ files and steered any Russian family towards a child that hadn’t been selected for international adoption.  And I don’t feel any guilt for that. Why? Because the mandatory waiting time of 6-9 months, {depending on the region} didn’t apply to Russians.  So a child who was days old and living at the Baby home could be selected by a Russian family. There would be no need to review a child who was nearly a year old. And for a Russian family, there was no motivation to adopt.  As I adopted August, the Russian government began to encourage a type of foster care that would pay families. THIS is when the process became sticky. Families began losing their referred child even after they had made trips to Russia and signed documentation stating they wanted to adopt that child.  The government was much stricter. And the people of Russian began to use their will to demand they have preference over American families. Even if they only chose to foster... And sadly the percentage of Russians who chose to foster and then return the child began to rise. And children were placed BACK into the baby homes. The same children who had American families planning to adopt them had moved on and being 1-2 years older, their chances for adoption slowly decreased.

But again, I was a lucky one. I had 2 very powerful Russian men on my side. And as much as I loathe them now, I appreciated their protection then. It is important for you to know that my adoption was completely legal. And what I know about my case was learned after my adoptions were finalized. I always knew a little of the sketchiness, but I could prove it, if not to the world, but to any fellow adopter, after my agency no longer had the protection of the 2 powerful Aleks. 

None of these matters anymore as Russia has closed adoptions to Americans. What matters to me and what prompted me to put this out there is to share why I didn’t chose to adopt through a seragote or through foster care. And why I didn’t choose an older child adoption.  Some families like to imply that those who adopt infants choose the easy route and are doing it to satisfy ourselves. We aren’t rescuing a child as those who adopt older children are doing.  I agree. Happily.