The Ladies in My Life

We are only missing our Dear Cat GiaLuna, as she was in the hotel room. We were enjoying the glorious spring day at Bryant Park..My girlz fit in as if they have always been in NYC, mom does too. My little dog Perriwinkle loves a good park visit.

These are the ladies in my life. And I love 'em to bits!

Half

Time to find the other HALF OF MYSELF

 

 

 

For 2 years, it seems all I have done is read, research, write, and repeat. Although grad school was extremely satisfying, It did pull half of me away from my girlz. I have been a super sketchy mom allowing them some freedom to push themselves, but to also leave messes we are about to clean up.

I did learn that Anna can  wash her own clothes. And both girls can do garbage duty. As for a million other things, it's time I focus on rejoining the program around my house. Many of you know, our house had a little flood in October and we lived in a hotel for months. While there, I realized we can survive and thrive on way less stuff and way less space. Both girlz' grades improved with AugustRose making straight A's and Anna making that ONE C+ in advanced math. But we had set backs while there as well. AR had to have surgery for a blockage cause by her adenoids and Anna went through a long nuero-visual testing cycle to find out she has complete right sided double vision. She began weekly vision therapy and has had to change her glasses prescription twice.

I had to make a million house decisions, as a section of my home had been demo'd to the studs. Throughout this process, of course my parents helped. My mom began making the hour long drive to Anna's vision therapy each week, and my dad came up to act as my contractor for the house.

People often roll their eyes when they hear the quote, "It takes a village....." but in our little family, it's the norm. My girlz don't know what it's like to not have the GRANS here everyday. It's their normal. We are the new normal, and when people say, "I don't know how you do it being a single working mom in grad school..." I tell them, "I'm not on my own." My parents help a lot."  And they do.

And that brings us to now..

In some sense, I lost my job. Not that I was fired or de-staffed, rather I was taken out of early childhood and put into teach the third grade. Now I know this doesn't seem like a big deal to many of you. But that's like asking a pediatrician to help geriatric patients. (Not that I think I am that qualified, but I do watch a lot of surgeries on Youtube). The point is, the students are not the same. A five year old is my target audience. They love my ever changing hair color. They love when I wear the ridiculous animal shaped earrings from Claires. And forget about my outfits. I have created an adult version of the Punky Brewster look that kills it for a five year old. And the best part of kindergarten, is I can start by simply being kind to them. Kindie allows me find the silly in each child and embrace it. There's no, time in the past 10 years when I have gotten angry with a child. Even when they have done the WORST a five year old could do, (maybe saying an actual bad word, or taking their friends belongings) There's something expected about it, and I can smile in my soul knowing that's pretty normal and I can handle it. They may talk too much, but that's normal. They twirl in the hallway, but really, who doesn't sort of giggle when you see a kid twirl? And I get that these little people in my room are someone's ENTIRE WORLD. I don't call parents a million times to complain. I don't harass them with letters about behavior. Because it takes the entire year to train them to be in school. And that part is my job to handle.

My master's program was over 35K and in order for the state to pay back more than half of that, I have to teach in early childhood. So that means leaving my job of 17 years. And not on my own terms. So I have been working like a bee to organize for next steps. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I have wanted to leave my school, but the relationships have kept me there. I am a "stayer." So I have had one interview to transfer, and have one coming up. But so many schools look for young teachers. They think I am too set in my ways and get buy into their way of doing it. So ageism is a big real factor. I have also applied to the New York City Public School system. Yes, I can hear you all saying, "HOLY JEEZ" how would you ever afford it? The simple answer is barely.

I would make less money there, because they don't give you all the salary years you may have, but I would rent out my house and make the difference. And even then, we would have to more than triple my house payment I have now. But, hey, go big or go home. I am also applying to some systems that are not part of the hiring group agreement. Meaning they can hire me after August. I am just starting some of those applications.

But my heart is sort of broken. I have cried a whole lot lately. And earlier in the week, I think I may have had a panic attack. Not really sure as I don't normally have them. I told Anna about the whole thing on Thursday. She bawled her eyes out.  Her first response was to ask about what would happen to Mrs. Stacy and Mrs. Heather? Will we still see them? (These are 2 dear long-time friends that we have holiday gathering with each year, we call the kids "work cousins") Will Mrs. Rose still come to our party? (Another friend who has started to come with us to holiday events) I told her we would always be "work cousins" with them and not to worry about that. I shared with her that I applied in NYC and she immediately stopped crying. She said, "Mommy I would share a room with August if we were in the city. And I really like midtown, near Bryant Park, but I have started to also like the Upper East Side near Central Park."  And I knew then, that she'd be ok with a monster decision like heading North.

Finishing grad school I thought I would have a year to coast before making any decisions. But the decision to move on was made for me. (More about that later just to be safe). So now I am looking for the right fit for our family. And that may mean living in a one bedroom with room for a grandparent! Or staying right here and me teaching somewhere else. Or us moving south where I could teach in a smaller district. Regardless, I have a short window to make this decision. But I have done that twice before. Any adoptive parent knows, that we make our decision to adopt after meeting our children for an hour or so..We have to sign on the line and go with our gut, and I have made 2 very RIGHT choices when adopting, so this should be a cake walk!

 

So Much

Coming back to this blog tonight to share...

We've really struggled this year. My commute has still been a huge nuisance. I hurry everyday to get myself ready, rush out away from my girlz, only to sit in my van and wait. Wait in an endless line of cars inching our way along. And more than anything, I resent those hours. The 40 or so hours a month alone in my thoughts. Thoughts on my girlz. 

I lost my only cousin in the summer, and last month, my dad's only remaining uncle. And those deaths have profoundly impacted my thoughts. I worry more, I am nervous more, and anxious more. Throw in graduate school, and my own personal shortcomings and we are simply ...barely making it. 

Next week, I visit a psychiatrist for the first of what I hope is many family visits. You see, all this worry and anxiety has affected my girlz as well..Mainly my littlest stardust angel baby. She is the most troubled by our busy-ness..But I am confident that therapy will help all of us. Cause I must do the right and most healthy thing for my girlz. 

I may be painting a down picture, and I don 't want to ...Just being honest. Most of the time, we are good, no, great..But when we are in the dumps, it is epic!

We went to the Gaylord just the three of us. For Easter. To have that magical time with only us..And I can't wait to go to Florida this year. We missed it last year and I honestly think it set our year off on a low note..

Tonight, I said a prayer for us. Because the Greengirlz are Up to Here, and need a little break. Florida cannot come soon enough!

The Stressors of Russian Children

 What I know about Russia is there are many, many orphans. Some are true orphans who have been given up at birth, and many others are social orphans. Those are children who have parents. But for one reason or another the parents cannot or do not take care of their children. Some of these parents have voluntarily given their children to the state. Some parents have lost their children do to the state realizing the lack of care.
The stressors that impact both category of orphan are varied. As I began to research for this blog entry, I could find very little peer reviewed documentation on the effects of being an orphan. I could find very little research either. What I know is that for now, Russia is making every effort to keep these orphans in the country. They no longer allow US citizens to adopt these children.
Russia is making efforts to encourage it's own citizens to adopt.

This is from an NGO working in Russia to encourage it's families to consider adoption. I would love to say that the people are doing this out of the goodness of their hearts, but I worry that the fact that there is now a payment for adoption, is a reason that people are adopting.

For ME

ok..so  here are some randoms for ME to remember..

The only difference between a goal and a dream is a TIMELINE.
"Being Happy. Being A Good Mom" Those aren't plans. Everyone wants that..Specific details need to be in place..
The most important part of planning for the future is to establish an image..As in, WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE, HOW DO YOU WANT THE WORLD TO VIEW YOU?

Teaching in Russia. Working in Russia -  OUT FOREVER. Not only is there risks associated with being American, I am single and people could think I am lesbian, and TAKE MY CHILDREN.. Yes, I wrote that. Because it's a law in Russia now..
Also, we are past the point of my girlz doing what I want. Anni got accepted into an All Girlz program and looks very forward to it. My girlz cannot be away from our family. I cannot ask them to spend the money just to come see us if we were overseas. PLUS-I can't get a job. Time to move on. This is just a direction I can never go. And although I am sure it's because I have 2 children and no spouse, I would never trade a child or TAKE ON A SPOUSE just to get a job in Russia..

I want to write. So I have to just do it. Teaching can be a means to and end. And If writing is my passion, I may never write a book, or publish it, but I can write it to fulfill my passion..

Ok-More notes later. Just wanted to get this down while it was on my mind.

Christmas

What an amazing Christmas..My aunt Carolyn, (the one who lost her son a few months ago) was scheduled to come up for the holiday, but fell out of her house the week before, and broke her leg and arm..She is in a rehab center and will be there for a bit. Pretty sad. She has had a brain bleed a few years ago, and is so fragile. I just can't wrap my head around her heartache this first holiday without my cousin Darren...But there was nothing we could do to get her here..
My dad is here and we decided NOT to go to the Gaylord or Church this year. It ends up getting so hectic and causes stress, so I cooked a bunch of appetizers and the girlz played in the neighborhood and we all just relaxed...I made a small meal (Wow Go Figure, I cooked!!) and then let the grownups open some gifts. The girlz opened their gifts from each other, and their gift from me..
I always get them new pjs, but this year I got them some bath stuff..We have fallen in love with LUSH, a fabulous company that makes natural stuff...So to give the girlz a treat treat for their Christmas Eve bath, I got them a bath bomb, the Christmas Eve bomb. I also got them a Silver Star bath melt..They were really tickled with this. They love finding special treats like this. What I  love is that these products are all natural and NEVER tested on animals.
I premade breakfast casseroles for the fam, and when the girlz got up, we did the grownups stockings, and let "Santa" gifts be opened...I had gotten tons of clearance stuff from Justice and oddly enough, Macy's..They had one of the best sales. I also finally broke down and got the girlz PillowPets lights. Again, on a 20% sale. I saved $14.00 dollars off of each of them..I took that savings and bought a couple of Shared gifts. I got a cotton candy machine and a couple of family games. The girlz opened their gifts and then it was time to give them their Ipads. And it was awesome. Anna wants a keyboard for hers but there are so many different kinds so I didn't get that yet. I found smart pads on ebay with free stylus' and they have been tickled with that. But I am going to get both of them some sort of carrier for them. My sister got them ITunes cards to buy them their favorite games and turns out, because they share the account, when one child buys a game, they both get it!! SCORE!!!

My parents loved the treats we bought for them. I always do those Yankee Candle car in a jar for their stockings, and also get them some sort of silly funny treats..This year I found the perfect keychains for everyone from Coach..HUGE discount at the outlet store. HUGE!
I know that I am dropping several "name-brands" on this post, but honestly I buy this stuff once a year, and have been so impressed with the savings and discounts that were offered this year. From my list of favorites, the only company/retailor/store that I wasn't impressed with was ToysRUs..They never seem to have great storewide discounts. They choose certain products and discount those..The girlz wanted Nerf guns this year and they did offer half off the second gun. So when I went there, I looked about to see what else they had on discount. The headphones were all about 40.oo, uhm no..their Ipad cases all about 40.oo  another no...and because my girlz LOVED the movie frozen, I wanted to get some silliness from the movie..They had a small selection but not enough of a savings. So I left TRU with 2 items..

The only other retailor/store that I usually go to at Christmas time is Bath and Body works..Sadly, we aren't going there as we switched over to Lush..The only product they are lacking is a hand soap for daily use. As soon as they develop that, I think they will be complete!!

We are still celebrating and enjoying family time. I am finally getting my house together and putting away things that we are no longer using..Bye Bye American Girl..You are going into the attic!
OHHHH, I finished this semester and got A's in my courses. WHew, what a huge relief. I start my next round of classes in a week, so I am gearing up for a whole lot more reading!

So happppy holiday my friends. Enjoy your time with family and friends!

Wow...

Just completing my semester in grad school..Whew! Lot's harder than I anticipated. Christmas is in a few days and I am pretty much set where that is concerned. Shshshshs, don't want to give any secrets away!

Been doing research on becoming a Court Appointed Guardian Ad Litem. It's a very long process and the first part is a lot of reading. I have my paperwork, and looking into which court system would be most appropriate for me. Some are closer, but require more, some are farther but actually pay more..So just working it out. The masters must be in hand before I take this on though! Through this process, I have read a lot of nonsense that I have a hard time wrapping me head around.
As a mother who doesn't have to share her babies with anyone, I honestly don't know how to handle reading about alleged situations that involve abuse, crime, neglect, and substance issues. Add a basic willingness to do the least amount of parenting and you have a real mess in the courts.
One area that specifically touched my heart was the area of child support. I knew there was a formula that is in play, but what I didn't know was that if both parties agree, amounts can be adjusted up or down.

What I still don't understand is what I have termed,
"the walk."
This is the move where one of the parents simply walks away from all financial responsibility of raising a child. They continue to live their life, and don't look back. I think those parents don't realize that one day, that child is going to grow up and become an adult. That adult child is going to say, "What the hell? Why didn't you help?" and no amount of, "Oh honey your XXX didn't need help." is going to work. That adult child is going to remember that you didn't bother with what really mattered, which is helping the custodial parent..
So let's take a look at the most basic level of care that a non custodial parent can provide....

What kind of parent leaves a child's welfare up to one parent? Is it fair for women to say, "He has more money so he can handle the burden of caring for the children in all manners financial." How is it that if the father has full custody the mothers don't bother to pay Anything?

Really, if you have a child, you know what it takes to raise a child..Let's start with the basic 3, (Food, Clothing, and Shelter)
Shelter is a hard one. How do you put an amount on what a Non Custodial Parent should pay?
You have to consider what it takes to run that household. Mortgage, electricity, water, cable, phone, etc...What? maybe each child theoretically uses 75.00 per month on these..We can super lowball that in half and it's 37.50
And then there is food. Kids eat like little piglets. Always hungry, always nibbling. I have to imagine that kids eat at least 100.00 worth of food in a month, so lets divide that in half. So a lowball estimate, 50.00
Then there is clothing. Depending on the age of the child, I can safely estimate that at 75.00 per month..So that is 37.50
*But not in the mix are the gagillions of other things that kiddos need. Club dues, t-shirts, field trip money, movie money, haircuts, co-pays at the doctor and dentists, and prescriptions. Then you have to add in all the gas money the custodial parent spends running that child around. So even though we all know it's way more, lets put a figure on this area as 75.00, that would be a whopping 37.50
Ok, so let's add it up..
37.50
50.00
37.50
37.50
_____________
162.50 Total

I mean really, in a month we all know that ONE child can use up more than that on food, but I was being super conservative. If you can't scurry up that for one child, you really don't deserve to call yourself a parent. I mean come on, I bet you spend that kind of money on your phone or cable bill..Or eating out and going to bars. You need to hit the corner, or start selling plasma if you don't have that much to give for one child.
OH WAIT, you say to yourself, but what if I have more than one child? Then I say, the custodial parent is probably cursing your name, cause they are paycheck to paycheck since your not pulling your weight..2 kids, that's 325.oo a month.....3 kids, 487.50....4 kids, 650.00....5 kids, 812.50...
What I hear a lot is the parent who is paying the child support saying, "They spend that money on themselves." Really? You have a boatload of kids and aren't paying diddly squat yet you are worried that your X is buying Ferrari's on your dime..GET OVER YOURSELF!!!

Think about all the single parents out there who are making it with NO HELP>>>
(If you are paying the amount above per child, or less; then I am pulling out my DIRTBAG card and handing it to you.)


So parents, I'd like to throw out a little free advice, raise up that CS payment or you will truly pay later.